What follows is a purely mystical and magical experience. You may find it folly, or perhaps you think it madness. Some may find it true. It’s my writings of a moment, captured to record my thoughts this day.
I’ve felt a bit lost lately. Part of me wonders if I should start in one direction and another part of me wonders if that direction is wrong. Do I have right motivation? Are the goals aligned with my true higher goals?
This morning I sat in meditation to look deeper within.
To start, I sat in stillness, practicing Zazen. I did this for 18 min. In specific moments, I felt my mind snap to calm abiding, not thinking of “me,” the room, or anything else. It was an experience of wholeness – without surface thought, intent or ideas.
After Zazen, I performed an Invoking ritual of the Pentagram (Earth), opening the gates of communion with Auriel – one of my closest spiritual guides. I asked for help in discovering my motivation and path… if the ideas of mine are off, or on target for my highest good.
To that effect, I chose a specific Tarot card to meditate and scry upon – The Hermit, as the light of the Hermit leads to guidance and wisdom and that’s exactly what I was seeking.
The card was laid before me, and Auriel instructed me to enter it. Closing my eyes I cast my awareness t
o the surface of the card and simply slipped through to the other side.
What I saw at first was a dark void.. then I saw flashes of light. I perceived the outline of a pyramid or pointed
mountain peak. I headed in that direction. In the visual, many villagers were running from an active volcano (what I thought was a pyramid.)
The volcano was a representation of my own inner emotions… excitement in this case. I couldn’t get much from this moment until I calmed down. Mentally I dove into the volcano and there, I reached into the Zazen moment of clarity. In calmness, the volcano was no more.
In calmness a person approached me, calling himself Dorgen. He was animated and sat with me. Asking me my intention, I told him I wanted to know what my purpose was… and if my current goals in mind were part of my life’s path.
He told me that the only real goal is a personal one – Find God. By this he meant Experience Directly God.
But by which path?
Dorgen said there is no path… it is the pathless path – it reveals itself with each step at a time… and steps are revealed with the intent of finding God.
As I sat with him, I entered into quietude – Zazen. This time, I heard my mind, like another being with us…. in one moment it was emotionally crying out for God – and I knew it’s error at once… it was disharmonious to finding God. God was already here, as close as my own breath. The emotions were so strong it separated God from awareness. Then my mind sounded logical and factual – doing various things in sequences to grow my awareness to God – this too was error prone and easily recognized as such.
Without words or thought, I sat in the feeling of the moment… and there the mind went deeper inward and further within. Within the dream of a vision, within the imagination, within the heart of the imagined “me,” I felt the presence of God. Not as a concept… not as an emotional outburst. I was with God.
The moment didn’t last… but my realization came with the words of Dorgen, “You can be with God here, in the physical world, driving your car…” I realized that every moment God IS, and if I let go, I will experience God directly. Let go of what? Of mind. Of emotion. Of intellect. To simply be, is all that matters.