In Practice: Helping the Rude Waitress

An Opportunity

Licensed from Fotolia © Marek -
Licensed from Fotolia © Marek –

Yesterday, my wife, her friend and I were going out for lunch. We stopped by a restaurant that I’ve enjoyed in the past.  This time, however, we all perceived a rude waitress.
In my past, I would write negative reviews on establishments when confronted with employees like this.  The waitress was off putting and had an attitude that we were waisting her time… At least, that is how it appeared to us (not necessarily what was really happening, but what we perceived.)
As I was in the present moment (not being triggered to my past frustrations with people like this…) Rather then judge the woman, or feel angry or resentful for her seeming attitude, I decided to speak to her from the Eternal source within (that Divine nature within each of us.)  I spoke as though to her eternal source.  I brought up positive things, that I heard her say to other customers.
The result was her nature became more relaxed.  She dropped the hostility and began to treat us differently.   We left the restaurant (and it’s employees) better then we found it.

The Point

We are tested each moment of each day by everyone.  Some tests, will test us with flattery.  Other tests will frustrate us.   Our test might involve a driver who throws a finger at us, or it could be someone at work telling us how awesome we are.  Either way, our ego is being triggered.  It is our test this moment, and every moment.  We can use these moments for tremendous spiritual growth.

We can continue to react to these tests, with our ego – or we can utilize the Divine source within, to help the other(s) to realize their Divine source within.

Our words shouldn’t be used as flattery and these techniques shouldn’t be used to “get something” from someone – the intent is of utmost importance.  The intent must be to HELP the other.  Help them find their TRUE self.

If our intent is to flatter, we only build their ego.  We might get something we want, but we are not doing the other person any good.

When I spoke to this once rude waitress, I didn’t use words to trick her into serving us better.  Instead my intent was to help her find herself.

Licensed from Fotolia © Les Cunliffe -
Licensed from Fotolia © Les Cunliffe –

When we first arrived the waitress seemed to scowl behind that smile.  But in time, I heard her talk to another customer.  This other customer wanted a recipe for a dish.  It was a fantastic request and to someone rude like this, gasoline on a fire.  As I listened to the conversation, I detected a resistance in the waitress… but then, in time she began to open up.  She offered some advice of where a person might go online to find similar recipes.
As their conversation continued, the waitress was opening up more and more.  My interaction with the waitress was to trigger that openness.  When she returned to our table, I asked about what she was saying, “I couldn’t help but overhear, but did you say there was an online site that had some great recipes?”
The intent wasn’t to flatter, or build up her ego.  It was to reach through her own ego and talk directly to her true self.  It was as though affirming with her a quality of openness.   As she talked to me, you could see her scowl fade and a real joy start to replace it.  She was happier.
We always feel better when we relate to our True nature.

The Process

I describe the process in more detail, in an other article (linked here), but the process can be summarized as follows:

  • Remind yourself of the Qualities of God
  • Know that God is Within Them
  • These qualities already are alive within them right now
  • Let intuition guide you to when and what you should say
  • With this knowledge affirm with them the truth


We humans will react from time to time.  As we meditate more often, put affirmations to work in our daily life and give ourselves vows of virtue to follow – we will become better and better.  Our identification will gravitate to our higher self, and lesson on the ego (or lesser self.)

Licensed from Fotolia © nielshariot -
Licensed from Fotolia © nielshariot –

There may be times, however, when our mind’s are not in the present moment, and in our confusion we react to some stimulus.  Perhaps a driver pulling out right in front of our car.  Or someone at the gas station yelling at us for blocking their pump.
There is no shame in failure.  We simply note the mistake, and continue on.  Do NOT get caught up in the guilt and feelings of making an error.  Realize that you made a mistake, and you will do better.  This is also part of our path!  By making mistakes we can see the triggers and steps that led up to the failure.
What is important is our goal – improvement.   As our spiritual growth continues, we are successful.

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